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At The Date Of This Writing (Vol. 2)

by J-LIVE

1.
By Myself 03:25
Some times I just want to be, by myself In good company even when I’m by myself I came through on my own two by myself I’m going back on my own too by myself I got a fever. And the prescription is a pill labeled FUCK YOU. Them shits expensive tho. Not talkin intercourse I'm talkin inner peace. Leave me the duck alone or fall prey to my inner beast. Forfeit my innocence to get a sense of sanctuary from your snake like sibilance we supposed to be siblings but brothers and sisters I present to you my last nerve mind the gap and kick yourself to to the nearest curb. You see that velvet rope. Cross it and it's turning g into yellow tape. So like Kane said give your self a break. Or someone else take your title of a agitator. You'd rather spoon feed a alligator. Chew on this sand paper Now-n-Later. It’s nothing sweet and bitter pill to swallow Rough going down like Tame Impala said this Company’s OK Solitude is bliss that’s why Some times I just want to be, by myself In good company even when I’m by myself I came through on my own two by myself I’m going back on my own too by myself Deep in the Wishanigga Woods. My cabin my time share. I’m hardly ever there. The furniture’s dusty. The closets mad musty. The gear don’t fit. And it’s out of fashion trust me. The back door shut and the locks is rusty. The neighbors ask where’s J. Somewhere meditating he must be. He’s so self righteous. It really disgusts me. Or something like that but they hardly discuss me. I’m too trill for the rumor mill. Obscurity has it’s privileges… I need all I can get as a Black man in this waste land I damn near forgot what a privilege is. For instance, companionship with a dope sista. Gotta acknowledge their plight cha know. Simps and panderers be like he’s right cha know. Can’t be Holding each other back outa spite cha know. That’s Counterproductive at best destructive at worst. Kinda like the niggas and bitches you put in ya verse. Far be it from me to tell you how to curse. I choose my own words for better or worse and that why… Some times I just want to be, by myself In good company even when I’m by myself I came through on my own two by myself I’m going back on my own too by myself
2.
Paralyzed can’t find the words. Everything matters and nothing matters. The air is matter and too heavy to move through. Defeat is calling me like a tractor beam. As if every instance of resistance was a lie. The truth would set me free but the truth is I’m trapped in this. Broken promise to myself and since word is bond and bond is life I give my life to my failed words and fold my king to the chess board floor. Crown first belly flop cannon ball picture perfect no splash dive defying physics into the abyss of what must be the sunken place.
3.
People really only respect money and power A lot more to life than just money and power To show and prove THAT it takes money and power Cause people really only respect money and power Niggas walk-in round miserable broke. Niggas walk-in round miserable rich they both could flip that switch I promise you folk yo perspective is priceless. It also about who seem the meanest or nicest. Assholes come in all tax brackets. Death and trouble too. Brass tacks is. Be true to yourself. Find joy and keep 12 jewels for your health and wealth. The cost of living goes up while your wage does not. the wise man said "this is how you get got. don’t get mad" Nah get even Tell'em if the shit the shit don’t add up bitch I’m leaving. And the rent is too damn high. For me to try to walk around here frontin like I’m too damn fly. But the bank you break it just to look the part trying to fake it til you make it cause deep in your heart you know People really only respect money and power A lot more to life than just money and power To show and prove that it takes money and power Cause people really only respect money and power Rich rappers trying to act career switch. Meanwhile broke rappers are trying to act rich. Wack rappers on the radio got wack rappers on the way home from work daydreaming bout the studio like yeah that’s the way to go see it’s easy. Hop up in the booth right quick and talk greasy. But industry rule number 4080 been told you how shady these record companies be sleazy. All them hidden fees be adding up your top shelf dreams got a red cup budget. Your red wine bars got grape drink juice and you get squeezed dry before you’re cut loose. All that money you rappin bout somebody better have it cause the bottom line is the line’s around the block. if you sound dime a dozen better have a dozen dimes and cousin regardless of them nursery rhymes you’ll find People really only respect money and power A lot more to life than just money and power To show and prove that it takes money and power Cause people really only respect money and power There’s much more to life than just money and power. Peace. Harmony, service, dignity, ethics priority honor, longevity, sustainability, grace, humility, What you call supremacy I call fragility. imbalance means there’s an instability. Told you from the jump money don’t buy happiness But ain't nobody trying to hear that shit from me see No one trusts a skinny cook or a fat trainer. I dope broke rapper just a wack campaigner. Or maybe didn't have the proper lawyer on retainer but a sweet teacher better than a bitter complainer. My proof is in the pulp my juice needs a strainer but lead a horse to it and they jump right over it. Champing at the bit cause the jockey said GIT trying to make hay while the sunshines cause real spit.
4.
I made this tea. Not the race race not the rat race not the money chase the cheese the maze the hamster wheel spinning in my head going nowhere slow. 1000 deaths by 1000 cuts. The shame of hindsight. The future so bright it’s blinding. The path invisible. The infinite possibilities too visible. How visible. So visible it’s indivisible.
5.
My Teepee 02:35
LET ME BE ME RELAX IN MY TEEPEE World premiere. I’ll be over here. Doing my my thing. Let it bring whoever it bring. Let the freedom bell ring. Til it sound familiar. Assemble and salute underground familia. We digging our way up out of the wholes that kill ya. Reachin' for the sunlight that shines to heal ya. Drawing up the rain clouds with these flows. To wet up the soil so the seeds can grow. Til it’s seen above and and it’s heard below. By the thunder and the lightning it’s frightening though. So everything I say is on a need to know. Game is sold not told. Tough row to hoe. No need for police or the red light though. Not selling myself. Just self made works. Just a copy of original mastery. Self sustainable the way that it has to be. Beautiful struggle in ugly times. Ugly cry beautiful tears filled with wisdom Shed from understanding and clarity. We laugh to keep from crying so bring on the hilarity. The sublime ridiculous. Trapped in escapism. Inside out prison. A beautiful doubt prism shifting like kaleidoscopes. Not showing the outer or the inner just a bunch of scrambled colors. Child’s play for beginners. The truth is the light and that’s the garnish on your eye. Guess why without a little truth you won’t believe a lie. All you gotta do is be to leave a lie behind. All it cost you is attention you can spare that in your free time. Get it. Like the redundancy department of redundance. You seeking the funds in the abundance. Asking all the leaves for directions to the trees just be still and take roots long enough to bare fruit with ease
6.
Searching for something so finite down to the infinite decimal is indefensible to be so indecisive is such a decisive blow to the ego Oh there we go separating myself into victim and assailant like some silent assassin in a mask that looks nothing like me. It can’t be me. It’s obviously me.
7.
Roll Tide 03:38
I used to have a pot to piss in and a window Now I got places to go that I don’t want to be See I just want to be still and watch the world spin I can play broke and save content to watch the world spend Then I feel hungry when I’m thirsty and I eat wrong Then I feel thirsty just because I didn’t sleep Long It’s so right when I’m well rested I don’t need sleep. So many folks don’t know the difference I can count sheep Bah still got some wool over my own eyes You think you don’t I might suggest that that’s not very wise The more I learn the less I know and that’s my best jewel Show me a know it all and I’ll show you a new fool I throw my hat into the ring before I set sail I dip my rod in the three fourths and fish the long tail I feel the progress bar is moving like a fat snail I be forgetting we not racing saying ooh well I change direction knowing that don’t get you know where I hit the stroke and feel it like yeah keep it right there See when I’m flowin' I can’t tell if I’m coming or going I’ll keep going til I come. Yeah All around the world I’ll keep it going til I come. Around the world and back I’ll keep going til I come. Yeah hit it from the back. I keep going when I come World wide. I keep going when I come roll tide I ask for seconds on the stroke and it’s still there I change positions a lot. I wear many hats. I be forgetting it’s a marathon not a sprint I feel the life meter going low and getting flat. I dip my rod in three fourths and fish the long tail I pull my name out a hat and bet on myself I fail so many ways I must be a know it all The more I learn the less I KNOW I KNOW NOTHING AT ALL I guess I’M KINDA WISE by the fact that I’ve survived The simulation that is. I want a new disguise. So many folks don’t know the difference so I call’em sheep I am a goat in my own right but see they still sleep I can’t be thirsty trying to wake'm cause it feels wrong. Almost as wrong as when nobody hears a new song If you would pay attention I could pay a few bills See I just wanna watch the world spin and be still But I got places to beee that I don’t wanna go So I can keep a pot to piss in and a window
8.
The victimless crime of the crimeless victim. Self-inflicting wounds. This is not a suicide. What’s the opposite of that. I’m living myself to death. Dying myself to life. Living of death and dying of life. Literal and figurative inaction. Literally paralysis in action.
9.
Stepping out the ghetto if the mind like I just got home from a long bid. Rip van wink waking from a deep sleep. Nodding off watching the game from the cheap seats. With my uniform on the under my warmups. It’s mid game and I still need to warm up. mid game and I still need to warm up. Happy New Years. Happy Birthday. Happy Solar return of the Earth day. Happy Independence Day. Sak Pa Se. Pass that plant based Soup Jomou my way. Speaking of which what’s up with a revolution? No time like the present. No present like time. Turn a hawk to a pheasant. Turn a tyrant to a peasant. But first, turn yourself around and get with like minds. Not Saying that they gotta be exactly like mine. Just Generally moving in the same direction. Agreeing on one specific step at a time. With a Standard ever chasing never catching perfection. They say good is the enemy of great. They say perfect is the enemy of good. I’m trying to moderate somewhere in between from the Sweet spot. The cheat code, but not a cheap shot… Same old story no need for a deep plot but the plot twist goes something like this Same old story no need for a deep plot but the plot twist goes something like this Same old story no need for a deep plot but the plot twist goes something like this Same old story no need for a deep plot but the plot twist goes something like this Stepping out the ghetto if the mind like I just got home from a long bid. Rip van wink waking from a deep sleep. Nodding off watching the game from the cheap seats. With my uni on the under my warmups. It’s mid game and I still need to warm up. mid game and I still need to warm up. coming up for air trying to get my bearings like water water everywhere not a drop to drink Looking for a shoreline. sharks in the waves I can tell they smell blood so there's no time to think Asking for a life raft wouldn’t mean Jack cause I’m pretty sure Rose had plenty of room Treading water makes no sense going nowhere so fast I might as well sink to my impending doom. So fuck I’mma swim like I’m trying to find Nemo. The future ain’t as grim as the past might have felt. If I can stay present one moment at a time I can read the room right and play the hand I was dealt The cheat code is knowing that I’m actually the dealer and I got a whole 'nother deck up my sleeve. The rich Get richer and that’s me believe. As evidenced by the shit I already achieved.
10.
It’s a thing. It’s a mood. It’s a vibe. Nothing more. Nothing less. That’s all it is. That. All. It is. It is all that. And a bag of chips. Might as well. This whole discipline routine consistency thing clearly futile right. Or maybe not. If it’s a vibe. A vibe is just a back and forth. An attitude. An amplitude.
11.
I Digress 03:47
Ayo my beat taste melt in your ear, like canoodling. Dog eat dog blends with a pen labradoodling pictures of scriptures like hieroglyphs burning through the Dark side like a pyro sith. More skills than the archives on the matrix Savuafair is everywhere. Agent smith. Pick Blacksmith locksmith wordsmith cocksmith bladesmith. Overlap all inclusive. Said she like dusty fingers so I scratch and sniff. Next we digging the crates like isn't this great my game just rewind dig find sample chop repeat. It don't stop repeat it don't stop deplete no retreat replenish ask about me. Scores of IV beds for those that doubt the. Habit forming medicinal uncontrollable substance the girth in the earth cause quakes eruption gumption for ohs and ahs duexs and 'twas like conjunction junction. So how I function with one at a time is times tables. These ain't fairytales more like fables. The bread knife cut multi grain til the butcher and the candle maker know my name The moral is morale is high. Like Earth Wind and Fiye. Ladies stretch your heels into the sky. But Excuse me I digress Excuse me I digress a hot mess if it didn't sound like bragging I'd be lying. Never said that I was dragging. My caliber iron those who tell don't know. Those who that know be dying. Top shotta point blank or sniper range. If things go ballistic, I'm half way across the globe like please don't get this twisted. Magnetic resisted blink you missed it. Comments for comets. Get sick and vomit. Get tired and sleep. Get wolf a sheepskin naw this Lycan ain't liking wool I wear wolf nobody asks about pull. Still eat close enough to the sun. Just hunt for sport so my place in the food chain remain like yeah what the fuck you thought. What's my name? Thinking pray better spell with a A. This ain't game. If I was too gamey for your dull teeth. Your arms too short your jaws to weak don't even speak. This is chess not a puff your bird chest contest. I'm too blessed for imaginary stress but I digress
12.
Justified and amplified. A wave. On time on target on schedule. A rhythm. I’m a DJ. I ride the waves I make. So. I make the waves I ride. So. I’m tied up in this chair. So. I’ll scoot. I’ll scoot. Ill scoot to my goals. Towards hope. If I can’t see I’ll listen and smell and feel and smack to taste the air and even remember.
13.
I been hip hop since young. When hip hop was young too. Some mistake it for a young man’s game but for wise men that put down childish things hip hop still remains Salute to vets that haven’t lost a step. Maintain their rep and reinvent the weapons Arthritis might but rigor mortis never crept in Break nights with mics to wake those that Might have slept in. From the depth that we still call the underground With a flow so deep it’s now the undertow Keep it timeless like that old Stevie Wonder sound Still never seen before same as thunder though It’s so wonderful the gift that keeps on giving The legacy of the music that keeps on living Through the off spring doing their own gotta respect it we don’t wanna hear no clone things Yet it’s yet another hip hop song. But for the people that I’m talking to you can’t go wrong For the people that I’m talking bout it’s only right They stay hip all day and they hop all night And this beat is keeping me cool on a hot summer’s day like floating in the pool What I stand for when I kick stool is to act a fool but never play the fool My flow is like a well poured vintage. Crack it open like happy anniversary I might even have some happy adversaries Counting blessings that they never saw the worst of me. Yet. They still haven’t seen the best of me. Yet… to come like the best part Bet the cream rises to the top, regardless of the cash that rules today’s art Today’s smart, is yesterday’s fuck up. Today’s crazy is tomorrow’s genius There may be nothing new under the sun but the way we mix and match, you ain't never seen this.
14.
Paralyzed can’t find the words. Everything matters and nothing matters. The air is matter and too heavy to move through. Defeat is calling me like a tractor beam. As if every instance of resistance was a lie. The truth would set me free but the truth is I’m trapped in this. Broken promise to myself and since word is bond and bond is life I give my life to my failed words and fold my king to the chess board floor. Crown first belly flop cannon ball picture perfect no splash dive defying physics into the abyss of what must be the sunken place. I made this tea. Not the race race not the rat race not the money chase the cheese the maze the hamster wheel spinning in my head going nowhere slow. 1000 deaths by 1000 cuts. The shame of hindsight. The future so bright it’s blinding. The path invisible. The infinite possibilities too visible. How visible. So visible it’s indivisible. Searching for something so finite down to the infinite decimal is indefensible to be so indecisive is such a decisive blow to the ego Oh there we go separating myself into victim and assailant like some silent assassin in a mask that looks nothing like me. It can’t be me. It’s obviously me. The victimless crime of the crimeless victim. Self-inflicting wounds. This is not a suicide. What’s the opposite of that. I’m living myself to death. Dying myself to life. Living of death and dying of life. Literal and figurative inaction. Literally paralysis in action. It’s a thing. It’s a mood. It’s a vibe. Nothing more. Nothing less. That’s all it is. That. All. It is. It is all that. And a bag of chips. Might as well. This whole discipline routine consistency thing clearly futile right. Or maybe not. If it’s a vibe. A vibe is just a back and forth. An attitude. An amplitude. Justified and amplified. A wave. On time on target on schedule. A rhythm. I’m a DJ. I ride the waves I make. So. I make the waves I ride. So. I’m tied up in this chair. So. I’ll scoot. I’ll scoot. Ill scoot to my goals. Towards hope. If I can’t see I’ll listen and smell and feel and smack to taste the air and even remember. Somewhere there’s something in here to get me out of here. Something sharp to rub on to the beat of my own heart while the song still plays in the air that still has what I need. I’m going to have to give to make room for what I need. So, I’ll scoot. I’ll scoot until I’ve given so much there’s no more of what I need left in the room. One way or another I’ll get out. That’s it. That’s all. There is. There it is. Just scoot. Vibrate. Back and forth. The average is the law. I’ll break the law. Regression or progression to the mean. Let’s find out what it means. By all means. By my means. Well look at that. I’m moving. I guess I found the words. I had to look inside.

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released November 1, 2019

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J-LIVE New York, New York

J-Live's music has been a staple of inspiration for listeners of underground hip hop for over 20 years. His discography includes more than 15 full projects, as well as countless guest appearances. The artists and producers J-Live has recorded and toured with are a who's who of hip hop icons from DJ Premier, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Prince Paul, The Roots, Black Star, Wu Tang Clan, and many many more. ... more

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